Part 2 - How to make new friends in a new school or college- step-by-step
- Andrea Schmitt
- 4 days ago
- 3 min read
If you're at a new school or college or even a new country, it's this time again, the making-new-friends time! The good news is that you don’t need to start with having a best friend. You can begin by searching for “potential friends”, and then these people may become special to you over time. The first 4 steps are mentioned in my previous blog post here, the next 5 steps are below.
Many people in your new school or college are looking for friends at the beginning of a new school year.
It's the very first day, week, or month of school for many, not just for you! So, use this momentum to your advantage. Many are on the lookout, and many are willing and eager to meet new people.
Seeing people helps
You'll likely encounter people in your new school or college who you'll see repeatedly. Perhaps they are your roommate, classmate, or member of the same sports group, and you'll meet again and again. Friendship research shows that you need 6 – 8 interactions and conversations until people consider you “a friend”. And you’ll tend to get closer to the people who are physically close to you, as this creates familiarity. It automatically gives you the feeling of “knowing them”.
Get closer
When you have exchanged a few smiles, engaged in some small talk (see part one for more information about small talk), and had genuine conversations, move even closer. Maybe ask them if they'd like to sit with you at lunch, sit on a bench after class, or work on physics homework together. Anything you feel comfortable with is great.
You want a friend who makes you feel good
People don’t want a perfect friend! Not someone who’s ALWAYS confident and knows EVERYTHING. People look for warmth, friendliness, and kindness in a friend, someone they can trust! Someone who makes them feel good, appreciated, and someone who listens. We don’t remember what people said to us, but how they made us feel!
There are different types of friends.
Friends come on a scale from 1 to 10, and you choose the scale and where you'll place these people: the potential best friend, the new friend, the good friend, the really good friend, to name just a few.... Did you notice that I didn't mention the BFF, the best friend? That's because they are hard to find and require time and effort, so they are not something you'll be going for within the first two weeks.
There are different levels of friendship, and you might change their status over time. Some will evolve into more, while others will evolve into less. But at your new school or college, there is a huge pool of students. These could be potential friends, perhaps from the same culture or a different one. Be curious and open to people you wouldn’t dare to be friends with “back home”.
Make a Friend-List
Write down all your friends and organize them into categories, such as countries or places. (During coaching sessions, we often put them into a pyramid.) Put this list somewhere that is easily accessible, somewhere you'll find it in a moment of need when you want to call someone, talk to someone, or check in with them. If you categorize them by country, also record the time difference. If you've moved often, it's good to know who's available at what time.
You can totally do this! Be adventurous, go talk to the quiet person, to the weird one, to the one all dressed in pink or black! Show up, share a bit of yourself, make it clear that you like the other person, and just start talking!
P.S.: Check out "How to make friends - part one" here!
P.S.: More about how to make small talk in my next blog post…
P.P.S.: What do you think as a mom? What about these tips for yourself as an expat in a new country???
P.P.P.S.: If you'd like me to support your daughter with making friends at her new school or college, please send me a dm or directly book a free 30-minute discovery session, so you'll see her make friends sooner than you thought.
Kindly,
Andrea
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