Part 1 - How to make new friends in school or college - Step-by-step tips

Friendships take time. Making friends is a whole process! The good news is that you don’t need to start with having a best friend. You can begin with searching for “potential friends”, and then these people may become special to you over time.

1.              What is the minimum requirement?

The bar is really low. The minimum requirement is somebody being friendly to you, someone who looks interesting, or has a kind face! That can be a person who smiles at you or says “hi,”. Look around at your classmates, your sportsteam members, or your dorm mates you live in, and identify a few “friendly” looking people, someone who looks approachable.

2.              Initiate small talk! Yes, you…

If you’re sitting or standing next to someone, smile and say “hi”. Follow up with “How are you?”. Then, if the other person hasn’t done it, start making small talk. Being good at small talk will set you up for life!!!  I hear you saying, “But, what should I talk about?” Here are some safe topics: the weather, the activities you are doing together, school, class, traveling, food, and the weather… (I do know I said this twice!) You need a few conversations until people consider you “a friend”, so you need to start somewhere. Then they'll need to warm up to you and see you as a safe person. Take an easy topic that you feel comfortable with, you get to choose.

You might feel awkward in the beginning, but just keep on going. Most people wait for the other person to start the conversation, but then two people are waiting, and you might end up in this weird silence. Especially at the beginning of a new school or college year, everyone is looking to make new friends, to meet new people, everyone! Take a deep breath, smile, and break the silence. The other people will be soooooo happy and relieved if someone just starts! Let that person be you this year! Just start the conversation, get it rolling!

3. Add something personal to the small talk subject

You could start talking about, you guessed it, the weather and make it personal. Say something like, “When it was raining in Germany, my brother and I would put on our gumboots, go outside, and jump into as many puddles as possible! We had so much fun and ended up completely soaked!” You’re still talking about the weather, but telling them a bit about yourself, that way, you're opening up the conversation.

It can be something you just did, you want to do, or you’ve been thinking about. It does not have to be incredibly smart and articulate; just about you. When you add a personal story, it helps others connect and relate to you. That's an important step in making friendships.

Attention: you might feel weird, selfish, and like you are talking too much at first. But what you do is give them a chance to comment on what you just said. If they answer, great! No answer? Maybe the other person is not used to small talk because of their culture or personality. If that’s the case, then be curious and ask them, “Did you do anything special in your home country when it rained?”. The truth is, people LOVE talking about themselves because that’s the topic they know best!

4. Make it clear that you like the other person

Here’s a secret: we like people who like us. Or, let’s put it this way: people like people who like them. Being friendly to someone is the easiest way to signal to the other person that you like them! (The bare basics: smile and say “hi”!) People need to feel that you have positive feelings for them!

Let me know how that went! In part two I'll add 3 more tips!

Kindly,

Andrea