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What loss? What grief? While your kids are living a privileged life abroad? Please….

Updated: Jul 5, 2023

Or “The hidden struggles of Cross Culture Kids and Third Culture Kids”

Loss and grief are universal human experiences that can affect individuals regardless of their cultural background. However, when it comes to Third Culture Kids (TCKs), who grow up in a culture different from that of their parents, there are unique factors that can influence their experience of loss and grief. They have, on one hand, a privileged lifestyle but, on the other hand, many challenges due to their frequent moving. Many of these problems are often not recognized either by their parents, by their teachers, or even by themselves, so these kids suffer in silence. One example is unresolved grief from losses that are not very obvious and, therefore, not addressed. What are these losses? Here are five:

1. Loss of Stability

TCKs often experience frequent moves and transitions due to their parents' work or other circumstances. These transitions can lead to a loss of stability, including leaving behind familiar environments, friends, schools, and routines. This loss can be challenging, as TCKs may struggle to establish a sense of belonging and develop deep connections in each new place they go.

2. Loss of Identity

TCKs often navigate multiple cultural identities and may feel a sense of loss or confusion about their own identity. They may struggle with questions like "Where do I belong?" or "Who am I?" They may feel disconnected from their parents' culture, the host culture they live in, and even their own cultural heritage. This loss of a clear cultural identity can lead to feelings of grief and confusion.

3. Ambiguous Loss

TCKs frequently experience what is known as "ambiguous loss." This type of loss occurs when there is no clear-cut closure or acknowledgment of the loss, such as when relationships and connections are maintained across geographical boundaries but are fundamentally changed by distance. TCKs may have ongoing connections with family and friends in their home country, but still feel a sense of loss and grief due to physical separation and the changes that occur over time.

4. Repetitive Loss

TCKs may experience repetitive losses as they move from one place to another. Each transition brings the potential for new losses in terms of relationships, support systems, and familiar environments. This repetitive loss can lead to a cumulative grief experience and may make it challenging for TCKs to fully process and heal from previous losses before encountering new ones.

5. Limited Support Network

TCKs may face unique challenges in finding support and understanding from their peers and others who may not have experienced the same cross-cultural lifestyle. They may feel isolated in their grief or have difficulty expressing their emotions and experiences to others who may not fully comprehend the complexities of their situation.

It's important for TCKs to have a supportive environment that acknowledges and validates their experiences of loss and grief. Counseling, coaching or therapy can be beneficial in helping TCKs navigate these emotions, develop coping strategies, and explore their sense of identity. Additionally, connecting with other TCKs or joining support groups can provide a sense of belonging and understanding among peers who share similar experiences.

Kindly, Andrea

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